so out of no where pat got all wierd on me something about the bed gave him a rash i must have done something to it blah blah 1 he has poison oak 2 i was gone all day and 3 he is the only one who sleeps on the bed when hes here. plus HE is the one who is always messing the house up i clean EVERYDAY i pick up sweep and wash the floors and walls i hate a dirty house but then he gets back and like a taz mainian he tares the house up hes like a bull in a china shop. its like he thinks that i am his maid or more like slave he is i dont even know what to say because its a hard one i love him and i use to be so madly and blindly in love with him there was a time when i saw nothing but him he was my whole world and all i needed these days its almost impossible to picture that but its true.
why? why did this happen? and when did we reach a point of no return? when i got with pat i forfited all my pride and self worth his word was law but every time he cheated every time he hit me every cruel word every low blow changed me inside and i now have my pride back teasing me and calling me out isnt love when you forgive no matter what? i use to think that there wasnt anything that we couldnt get over as long as i had him i was ok it didnt matter how bad he hurt me nothing hurt more then being without him… and now its like i cant sleep in my bed unless its cold and i dont mean like snow or frezzing weather cold as in distance hurt sarrow regret and lonliness its…. what i have got use to and it helps make it so that i dont cry myself to sleep if i dont expect him if i dont wait for him then when he doesnt come i barely notice and it puts off at least the knowing of new pain more pain