wonderland

i feel so outside my skin like im in a wonderland where nothing is what it seems nor are people who they say they are and i just want to crawl into a deep dark hole and hide forever or better let die i have been alone my whole life but i more lonely then i have ever been im broken and lost and everything is a mess i dont know what to do next or where to go from here but i have to think about it fast and figure it out i have a matter of days and then i need to be out and i dont have any idea about that my entire life for these last past years is turning up to be nothing more then bullshit and never having ment anything it was all just lies and games and i was never anything more a come up for the ones caliming to love or care about me they dont they are just masters of the art of wooing people and i am the only one who ever gets attached and hurt i gave a chance to being in love and it did nothing more then get me hurt well now i am rebuilding the wall around my heart and this time no matter how hard a big bad wolf huffs and puffs no matter how big he or she is they will never stand a chance to knocking my wall down, i am going to lock my heart away so fucking tight i may even end up crushing it well i mean i can hope cant i?

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