not even death comes easy

have you ever had a time when you feel so outside your own skin that you even toss around thoughts about the after life? ok so like when i am in a moment where everything hits me at one time and i can see all the parts that are bad that werent always like that its like ” what if this is limbo or something “? i have lost so many people that i love in just a few shot years and i cant help but question did they die or did ? i was hit by a car in 2014 i was walking in a dark highway and the car was going 65 mph after a few weeks in the trama center …. here i am alive in 2019 my father in law was hit by a car that wasnt going as fast in 2016 and we lost him how does that work?

am i so stupid that i cant even die right? more then ever i wish i could have just died in 2014 when i was hit by that car … i really do

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