another day down

you when you might know some of the cause of the bad feelings your having but you dont know why you cant seem to handle or control them like you somehow went through a change that was backwards and you almost like a kid again a kid melting down without a way to sooth i feel so outside of my own skin yet a prisoner inside my head i feel alone and hurt he said he would never leave me alone leave me hanging or in need or danger and yer he did all of it and he did it in a blink of an eye without even a goodbye i loved him with all i have and all that i am im not saying that i was a saint or that that i didnt make mistakes because i did i admit and take responsibility for all my wrong and from the bottom of my heart i am sorry i really am and if i could take it back i would something i get clear is what it is that i did that was so bad that you ran away? when after all you did i forgave you i stood by you and never thought twice and the sad thing is that i would do it again and again and again because i fucking love you and to me that is what love is love is not giving up no matter how hard it is or gets love is forgivness and love doesnt have a switch it doesnt go off and on it doesnt stop or pause love real love never ends it never hurts or seeks revenge that is what i have to offer you but your actions scream clearly that that is not what you want at least not from me or maybe what i have to offer isnt good enough for you i really cant say i really dont know and its driving me crazy i sit and think and think and think and think and think some more but am unable to come up with anything i thought i knew you i thought i knew us when i sit and think there is a whole lot that i thought i knew and none of it seems to have been what i thought it was that plus the lack of even the smallest trace of you i consider the posibility that it was all just a dream a very bad sad dream that lasted 7 years and felt so real the daze it left me in is like the one left by morphine or heroin its a nasty feeling and i wish i could shake it but i cant not yet at least

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