coming out of hells basement

i cant put into words how being here right now back on line back on my blog back in MY world is making me feel its been a long time since ive last wrote and my break away crippled me in froze my soul and without having this blog to run away to and not being able to be in a safe place where i am able to short out the maddness of my life and paint it into more easy to deal with images i feel like i have been the walking dead but enough you get the point i was gone i missed you all im back and im LIVE its been a tough few months and i have damn near lost my mind found it and lost it more times then i can even recall but im pretty sure i have a hold of it now or at least enough to be able to sit and allow my fingers to tap out into words so that i can share with the world what life has thrown at me so it has now been 5 months since pat and i broke up and if you been following me for a while then you know that the break up broke me it fucking shattered me into a million pieces and for a moment i really thought that i was going to die of a broken heart in a blink of an eye the man i thought i would be with till death did us part the man that was the center of my universe my whole world and the sun that shined down onto it became a stranger without a warning without a goodbye without even a fuck off he walked out of my life and never looked back after 7 years filled with sky highs and sea deep deeps a son and a few lost babies many moves and losing his dad the man that was once the other half of my soul wiped me from his mind life heart and soul and it fucking broke me i was lost and hurt it hurt to be awake it huryt to sleep it hurt to think it hurt to live at 1st i waited i waited alone in that cold empty trailer praying everyday he would drive up after work or that i would see him walk in but day after day i waited and day after nothing no beep no moter no him i would sleep with the door unlocked and fall asleep listening out for his car or voice i would cry myself to sleep and every night i would wake from a bad dream or a good looking for him feeling out for him but each and every night nothing

its taken me a while now and it not over not by far but its a prosses and its something that takes time eveyday it gets a tiny bit easier to get through the day i no longer cry myself to sleep i havent wet the bed in while aside from one time recently but everyday i wake up a little stronger and more able and a little more wiser i have spent most of this time alone working on myself from the inside out and aiming to dive deep to my deepest parts inside where i hold the roots of my pain everyday i let it go i give to god over and over and on the days i hurt extra i pray and i ask for god to help me to take my burren my pain and to give me the courage to walk another 24 hours on the path i have work so hard to stay on and to see the end of

ask and he shall grant god helped by reconnecting me with a mate of my soul from the past he to is coming out of a dark place and has also been broken and has a hard time accepting love or trusting but he has a huge heart and he helps everyone he knows even the ones who dont deserve it or talk shit or do shit he always helps as much he can and under all the pain and anger he is such an amazing person and i thank god for putting him in my life I LOVE YOU GEORGE i love you so much thank you for loving me thank you for being my friend my man and my rock you mean more to me then you know and i want to spend the rest of my life getting you to understand how i feel for you i know times get hard and life is filled with bullshit and haters but i love you and i want this i want us and i will fight for us for as long as i know that theres something to fight for